They start young

Yesterday my mom and 9 year old brother got into an argument over his forgetfulness. The amount of money my mom wastes on replacing gloves, hats, pencils, lunchboxes is astronomical. He also tends to ‘forget’ his textbook, workbook or notebook. So anyway, he got very upset and started his famous, ugly, grating-on-nerves, high pitched crying that just makes me want to rip off my hijaab/scarf and stuff it in his mouth for a couple of minutes. Or just give him one good slap across the face, turn to my mother and say apologetically ‘that’s the only way to stop his hysteria, ma’am’ (like in the movies/books OK? I’m not really violent natured).

So after he finished with his little tantrum, my mom had a ’talk’ with him. Trying to lighten the mood she said to him ‘You know what? Crying will not get you anything. In fact, it makes people very annoyed that they’re less likely to be nice. Imagine if you were to marry a woman who cried for everything. Oo ‘caaa’ teer iyo maanta dhaheesa. Would you like to be with someone like that?’

Honest to God, my 9 yr old brother looked at her seriously and said ‘I wouldn’t mind if she was beautiful’. My mother and I looked at each other in mild shock. She asked him ‘How about if she was stupid also and very mean?’ He said, shrugging his little shoulders ‘It’s okay. She’s still beautiful’.

Oh.My.God.

My mother and I started laughing then. How completely hopeless men are when it comes to physical beauty. She then related a similar incident with my now 17 year old brother, 11 years ago.

We were living in Toronto that time and after dinner our adult cousin, who lived with us, usually told us children’s stories and riddles. But on that day, for fun, she started to quiz 6 yr old K-Leaf on what kind of a woman he wanted for a wife. Assuming that he would say ‘Ewww, girls have cooties’ or something to that variation, she was dumbstruck when he started rattling off a whole list that he must’ve prepared unbeknownest to us. She hurried to get a paper and pencil and started to write down his list. Comfortable and completely unembarassed by the question, he said she would have to have:

• long, black hair
• small waist
• nice, white teeth
• big boobs (he actually said ‘balbeelmo’ boobs)
• medium butt
• pretty face

I kid you not.

My mother still has that piece of paper from 11 years ago as a keepsake. She plans on laminating it and giving it to him on his wedding day. In fact, our cousin calls us once in a while and before hanging up she always asks ‘Did K-Leaf find that woman?’ When we say no, she adds ‘I have to attend his wedding and see if he stuck to his list’.

I should mention that at their ages, I was still happily playing with barbies and scared of boys. Especially mean, dirty boys. Ewww.