How is success defined?

I think I’m the weirdest person in the world, or at least it feels like it. I’m still at a confused stage of my life when I know I should have things figured out already but I’m not even halfway there. I just changed my major from Psych to Nursing when I had only 8 more courses to finish to graduate with my degree. I know it’s something that I want and wanted for some time to do but when I see most of my friends & relatives I’ve went to school with graduating this year, it just made me question my decisions. I know there shouldn’t be this competition, but it sucks when your the only one left in school and everyone else is leaving and pursuing their careers. Some of them were indecisive but they stuck with what they already had and finished it.

I look around in my classes and there is such a wide range of people in school. From straight out of high school to 30s, 40s, 50s. There are people who’ve changed majors, other’s who’ve worked for quite sometime and wanted a career change, and still others that came back to school after a long hiatus. They inspire me so much and truly it is never too late to gain knowledge, go to school or go after your dreams. I wonder why Somalis have a restricted age range of going to post secondary and getting your degree. It’s like if your over 25 and still in school, your a freakin dinosaur or mentally challenged. I think that’s what puts most people out of higher education. It FREAKIN sucks.

Another thing that’s been occupying my mind lately is: ‘what is success’?. I’m sick and tired of people questioning my decision to go into nursing as opposed to medical school. They think that they’re complimenting me when they say ‘you're smart enough to be a doctor, why are you going into nursing?’. Well, thank you for thinking that I can do it but I don’t consider that a compliment. That is implying that nurses are med school rejects or somehow less smart and settling. Where the hell do people get this idea? The fact is I hate math and I’m not motivated enough to improve myself in that area. I want a career where I can go to any country and be guaranteed a job, the flexibility of working a couple days and getting some off. I’m also a simple creature. Although I’ve always wanted & loved to work in health care, which is my passion, at the end of the day I want a life too. I want my work and personal life separate.

People have always had higher expectations of me think I ever did of myself. It’s not that I’m not confident or have low self esteem, I just have never been into the whole ‘career’ thing. I was never excited about it like most people, although I pretended I did. Work to me is a means to an end. I felt odd amongst my friends because I seemed the only person not passionate about work life. I realize that this may be the case because I’m not actually working in the position that I’m studying for but stuck in a sucky, mind numbing, peanut paying entry level student jobs. Instead of motivating me to study harder so that I wont EVER have to do these dead end jobs, it just makes me HATE work. Strange isn’t it?

I know this feeling might be temporary, because we grow so much and change our decisions and likes & dislikes constantly. I’m not the same person I was last year and I probably won’t be 5, 10 years from now. I just have to keep reminding myself and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I just wish people would support me and my decisions instead of thinking that I should do this or that. I made a mistake once listening to people’s opinions of how I should live my life and I won’t make it again. Regret is such beeotch to live with.