Soft as a baby's bum...

...when it’s not suffering from a rash.

So in my quest for the perfect body (cue to laugh) I came across this rather simple recipe for silky, soft, smooth, moist skin all day long. Loving anything that keeps my student loan money in my pockets, I lightly skimmed the directions and closed the site window, heading to the kitchen to stir up the magic concoction that would forever banish ashy, dry, rough skin.

Or so I thought (I should have read it carefully and double checked).

Here is the original recipe:

• 1 cup of warm water
• 2 tablespoons of olive oil
• 1 table of lemon juice
• 2 tablespoons of salt

So, did I follow that? Even close to that? Hell nah.

This is what actually happened.

I got a small plastic bowl from the kitchen, filled it with half a cup of olive oil, juice from half a lemon, and 2 tablespoons of salt. Finding that the salt grains were too small and afraid that they might dissolve in the liquid, I added 1/3 cup of sugar.

Just to be safe you know.

I walked into the tub and after having a quick rinse to wet my arms and legs, I rubbed the concoction all over it. It hurt a little. The rough salt and sugar grains were scratching my skin and leaving it read as I massaged into it. No pain, no gain right?

And oh yeah, I forgot to add the water.

So I was oily. And slippery. And rubbed almost raw, with red streaks lining up and down my body.

I had to eventually rinse off thoroughly with soap to get all the oil residue off (although some remained). I kept slipping and sliding all over bathtub too. It was a miracle and a test of my agility that I didn’t fall and break my bones.

So the verdict?

I really can’t say. I don’t know whether my skin is soft because I rubbed most of it off or whether it was due to the olive oil!