Love is never enough...

(Image from here)

Reading this post today along with the comments...I'm sensing that I come across as a bit of an 'racist/ethnicist' or against interracial/cultural relationships...and I have to say that is FAR from the person that I am. In fact, I dislike such close minded, bigoted people and I would hate to be lumped alongside them.

So I feel like I have to explain myself and this might be long but bear with me ;)

First of all...this encounter actually happened a couple of weeks ago. I was feeling nostalgic and reminiscing about my many 'falling in love' or as I would like to say 'falling in attraction' moments across the years after reading Native Daughter's post.

You might be surprised to learn that I've never had a crush on a Som.ali guy.

I remember my first real crush. I was in grade 4, fresh from Africa with no idea of how to communicate with these strange people and feeling so alone in this strange, cold land where no one understood me. I didn't speak English, I dressed weirdly to my classmates, and I was lost in the happenings around me. I remember being drawn to this Asian boy. I think he might've been the class clown because I remember his many disruptive class antics and everyone wanting to be his friend...he was so hilarious. Even then, I laughed at his jokes (without understanding most of it) and tried to sit next to him during reading time. I think I grew out of that one pretty quick.

In grade 5 I had this cute Spanish boy who kept following me around like a little puppy. Everyone used to make jokes about us because he wanted to sit beside me, hold my hand, follow me around even to the bathroom! He was a sweet kid and looking back I remember him protecting me from the rude attacks of my classmates. Of course I wouldn't to be caught dead with him since just being in the vicinity of him would start class chants of 'Dreamer and Anthony sitting in a tree...'. To a 10 year old...that is completely humiliating. I was rude to him and refused to talk or even acknowledge he existed. I can't recall if I've hurt him...but I remember he still wanted to be my friend. A scene that burns clear in my mind is what happened at Valentines day. Everyone was giving candy hearts, cakes, and chocolates to their friends and I remember getting nothing. I was devastated but of course would not admit it. After school ended I put on my big blue & pink jacket, grabbed my little brother from his class and started walking home. Anthony decided to walk home with me and I didn't really mind...I was too upset to care. A few minutes from his turn he suddenly put his hand in my pocket and grabbed mine when I went after him to see what he did. He told me not to look until he left. I agreed and when he turned to his street, I put my hand in my pocket and filled my hand with cinnamon candy hearts ;) He came when I moved to watch me leave and I remember looking from the back of the car until he was nothing more than a dot in the horizon. Only then did I admit to myself that I really had a major crush on him...

Wow. What memories....if I continue it would be a little book. Through the high school years & college...it was Indian, Chinese, Caucasian & two other I don't remember their ethnicity. For all of them...it was nothing more than a silly crush that each lasted less than 3 months at a time. ;)

I don't think you can control you fall for...but you have a choice in who you want to ultimately end up together with in marriage. Marriage to me isn't just a union of two people...I always think about my family & the opinions of those I love the most. Does that make me weak & too accommodating? Maybe to some - but that's their opinion and I don't agree with it.

Furthermore, I've seen where interracial/cultural marriage didn't work because it was just too hard...marriage is hard enough without learning a whole new culture & way of life. I've known people also given hell because they married outside their race & culture. I mean, honestly, Somali people even draw lines when it comes down something so silly as tribes! It might be romantic 'us against the world' feel for a while...but then what? Would I dismiss my families feelings because of my heart...that's a tough one.

I have to point out though that my mother has always told me 'I don't care who you marry as long as he is Muslim & good to you'. But I still want her to be 100% comfortable with my future husband whomever he happens to be. And I know she would be more comfortable and herself it he happened to be Somali...just because they share the same language, culture and would be able to relate to each other. And it's not just family...I could care less honestly if I loved someone and they didn't approve...however it's also my preference. I think live would just be easier with a Somali person...

I think it makes it easier for me & I'm way too nonchalant about the whole thing because I don't believe in soul mates. It's just a silly concept...people ruin their lives because of 'the one'. I think if you have a decent, good hearted, responsible & committed person in your life...that is your 'one'. And it could be just about anyone.

You might be thinking 'hey, where did this all come from? who said anything about marriage'?. But from my side...I don't do casual dating. If I want to 'date' its with the intention that I might possibly marry that person and this 'dating' time is a period to get to know them & figure out if we complement each other. That's why I never start anything I know there would be no potential. It's not fair to anyone and its a colossal waste of time.

Now, if my friends, even my siblings...nay...even my MOTHER wanted to marry someone who is not Somali I would support them 110%.

Just for myself...I would like to be with a Somali person. I'm a simple girl looking for a simple life. Anyway...this dang long post is just to let ya'll know I have no problems with interracial/cultural relationships. Sorry if it came across that way.

How about you?