Changes

Every year I promise to change but when it rolls around, the promise is forgotten and when exams rear their ugly heads…tears of blood run down my face. I really hate myself…my biggest fear is failure…and it looks like I’m heading down that direction out of my own stupid free will. Ahhh. What I would give to be born with a diamond encrusted, gold plated, silver spoon in my dainty pink lips. Some people have all the luck.

I wonder if I’m depressed, the signs are certainly there. I use to think that depression happened to bored white people…now don’t laugh…all of us were ignorant and cute at some point of our lives. Sigh. I’ve become a hermit, never leaving my room to do anything, basically just going through the motions in a robotic state. My grades are suffering, I’m exhausted for whatever reason, I’ve stop contacting some important friends, and I’m sleeping all the time. I wonder when this spell will end. I’ve found some comfort in t.v., food and books. I’ve gain 15 pounds and I really don’t know where I’m heading. I long to feel the kiss of the sun on my face, smell the pungently sweet smell of newly cut healthy grass, do my hair and just have some crazy ass fun time. It’s a really slow, boring, sad, confusing point in my life. Hope it goes by fast.