An open letter to my neighbour's cat

Dear, Cat

I love you. I have always loved you since the day you snuck into our yard and pooped into our garden. Even though my mother disagrees and threatens to hit you with a broomstick the next time you mess up her garden - I think you were indirectly telling us that you care and are capable of taking responsibility for your messes. I think that’s very grownup and considerate of you. A typical dog would have just left it there and ruined our day - but you! No, you special cat, you would cover it up for us to find and dispose of when we try to rake over the weeds. And no, I am not mad that I had to clean up the clogged cat poop on the rake edges.

Cat, I have to say though. I feel that you do not appreciate me at all. I mean, I feed you, I snuggle with you, and when I run my hands down the length of your back, I can feel and hear the loud puuurrrs vibrating throughout your whole body. But, why must I beg, cry and plead for your attention? After I feed you, instead of showing me gratitude, you cock your head and stare intently at me for a few minutes, your piercing green eyes looking through my eyes and deep down my soul. Finding nothing to interest you, you lay around pretending to sleep and all the while your mind is working feverishly figuring out where else to poop discretely and surprise us. Then you leave, without so much as a goodbye, and head over to your rightful home, your tail and ears straight in the air, dismissing me and my love. I mean, is that even necessary? Why can’t we part ways respectfully, instead of leaving me miserable and vindictive?

I feel used, Cat. Used and worthless like one of your old, chewed to death toy mice. It seems like you only want me to fulfill you physical needs - massage, food and a place to poop. I think we need to re-evaluate our relationship and work on the places that are lacking - as in the unreciprocated affection displayed by yours truly. How hard is is to come and lay on my lap without repeated promptings, to rub your smooth head on my neck like you do your owners, to place your paws on my chest and hug me like a true friend would. Why do you manipulate me and abuse my affection?

Cat, I love you but if you do not change your wandering ways, I would be forced to seek attention else where. Maybe even that fat cat that you despise for no other reason but that it loves rubbing its body on my legs. Yes! I do have options you see. So think carefully about the benefits in our relationship and whether or not it’s worth it to you to work on it or lose it.

Love,
Dreamer