Birthday blues

I can’t believe I completely forgot that today was my B day. So did the rest of my family (again) except for my cute little sis who shares my month. She came up to me a few minutes ago (5:33 pm) and with the most saddest face said ‘Happy B-day’. She was so upset that she forgot about it, bless her little heart. Wow, another year passes. I think I know why I mentally block out my birthday. It’s because I feel like such a failure. I’m 22 and I want to cry when I think about the fact that I haven’t really done anything worthwhile that I’m proud of in my life. People often point out that it’s great that I’m in Uni and pursuing my dream but so is everyone else. I don’t consider that something special unless I actually graduate and do something with the little piece of paper.

I compare myself to other’s in my age range and I am so lacking in everything it seems. I get depressed and dread the future. I’m still trying to find my talent, my niche, something that I excel at. Why am I still searching at 22? Shouldn’t I have figured everything out already? Arrr.

I’ve been alive for exactly 8,030 days. And I’m 8,030 days closer to my death and final judgement. The frightens me to the core of my being. I hope I make good use of the rest of my life and that I make my other birthdays ‘Happy’.

Thank you my little sister for your sweet heart.